Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Being There

Shabbat Beha’alotecha
Torah: Numbers 8:1 - 12:16 / Haftarah: Zechariah 2:14 - 4:7

“Being There”

Dear Friends,

This week’s Torah portion includes a curious incident that has invited speculation and interpretation for millennia.  As the Children of Israel are making their way to the Promised Land, one day Miriam and Aaron make a public protest against Moses because of his marriage to a Cushite woman.  That’s it.  That’s the story.  Beyond that, we have no idea what it’s about.

Some interpreters suggest that Miriam and Aaron were upset that Moses’ wife, Tziporah, was not a Hebrew and would have preferred that he marry a woman from amongst the Children of Israel.  Were they raising the banner of intermarriage?  Other interpreters suggest that they were upset because Tziporah had dark skin.  Perhaps this is a story of biblical racism. Were personal family politics afoot?

Consider an interpretation by Jacob ben Isaac Ashkenazi, the author of Tzeinah u-reinah, a Medieval commentary on Judaism written especially for women.  Askenazi explains that Miriam and Aaron’s complaint against Moses stems from Moses’ treatment of his wife.  Perhaps they overheard Moses tell Tziporah that he was so occupied with his work on behalf of the community that he had no time for her and the children.  They could have concluded that Moses was neglecting his family and thus became concerned for Tziporah’s well being.  Instead of embarrassing Moses in public, Ashkenazi suggests that they were reproaching him so that he would be more responsive to his family.

Sound familiar – being so busy that we have no time for our families?  Some say that being stressed and over occupied is just a part of contemporary Western society.  Ignoring our spouses, lovers and families is just the way that we keep up with the rat-race.  It’s the way we provide for them, even if we rarely spend any time, quality or other, together.  For the more than four thousand years that the Jewish People has existed, it is precisely the Jewish family that has been the foundation of it all.  With solid families behind and around us, we find love and support in our partners and spouses.  With strong families, we can raise children who will be confident, compassionate, generous and loving.  Through resilient families we can build our Jewish communities to be a family of families.

The trick is this.  Having a family founded on love and trust requires us to be there – to be with lovers and children; to be there with brothers, sisters, parents and grandparents; to be there with nieces, nephews, cousins, aunts and uncles.

Being there is what it is all about.  This does not mean spending numerous hours of ‘family time’ zoned out in front of the TV or computer, closed off under headphones, tucked away in a basement hobby room, or out on the running track or golf course.  Yes, there is time for all of that, too.  But most important, raising a Jewish family is about spending time with family, doing things together, listening, talking, learning and teaching.

It wasn’t too late for Moses and it is not too late for any of us, either. The spring is here and summer is soon at hand.  Even if our first attempts at making changes for the better seem awkward and unsuccessful, keep at it. For the sake of our families and our souls, spend good time together as a matter of regular habit.  Worship together, study together and do acts of loving-kindness together.  Live healthy lives together.

We could all do very well to heed Miriam and Aaron’s warning.  L’chaim!

Shabbat Shalom,


Rabbi Eitan Weiner-Kaplow

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